Not even 24 hours...

Well, it's end of day one of Erik not being here and I feel okay, as in I haven't cried yet. Like I said earlier I feel like I was really focused today simply on not worrying. It kind of reminds me how I would act during a break up. I usually would just switch off emotion and continue about my day with nothing bringing me down. Galen was even fussy all day (like seriously ALL day) and I didn't even get frustrated. It makes me a little nervous though because that means:

a. that there are a lot of emotions that I'm hiding for today
b. they will eventually come out in a whirlwind
c. I may shut of emotions from Erik which I don't want to do...

because this is not a break up, but it is a really different form of a relationship than I've ever had to deal with. I've never had to do long distance or deployment or having little man without Erik here.

I just don't want to like cut Erik off from emotions just because it makes it easier for me. It's important to make sure we stay connected and in tune with each other as best we can.

As far as at the house goes, I've made a few initial observations. The reality that I am going to have to are for Galen 100% of the time is sinking in, and it's a little nerve racking. Next is that I am not sure what to do with my time, or more so my thoughts. For the past year I was pretty focused on Erik. And working full time. But in between working I would spend any time I could to drive an hour to see Erik. Then when the school year finished and I was done working I was hugely pregnant and didn't focus on much of anything. The past couple of months have been spent preparing for deployment, spending family time together, and caring for Galen, and cooking dinner haha. Now it's just Galen. I don't really like preparing meals for just myself, but I still will cook a little bit. Today I has Trader Joe's grilled chicken strips and good 'ole green beans.

Xo for now
JC